I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
