Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
