he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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