he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
They are going to name an STD after you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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