I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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