i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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