just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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