You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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