Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
