Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
