they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize