On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize