Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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