I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I want her autograph on my taint
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
