Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How does one acquire holy water?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
