Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
