I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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