I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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