This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
