You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I forget how to act sober
Randomize