Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
