Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
