This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
