I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
