i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
