when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize