She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My penis needs a shock collar
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize