I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
