Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
