My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
