Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
