He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
