Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize