We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
