If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
