He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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