she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
