Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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