I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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