New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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