I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
