his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
