shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
