soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize