i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize