shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
