so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
