Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Are we still banned from the library?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
