I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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