i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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