I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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