Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
