He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
