I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
