i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
