I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize