new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
