i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
