I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
