What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
