Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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