It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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