Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
