he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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