you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
