He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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